Eat, Sleep Repeat.

~ Why do I keep on going back to you? Do i feel like being with you will make me feel like im worth something? make me feel like i am wanted, needed? You can build me up in one word. And completely tear me apart with a look, or a tone. I could still smell your cologne on me the last time i saw you. It made me sick to my stomach. After you left I cried, I cried longer and harder than i have in a long time. You dont love me and i dont love you. You wont even kiss me why is that? I dont need you nor do i want you to be mine. You actually really annoy me. You are to cocky to full of yourself. This brings me back to my origional question why do I go back to you? go back to all of that? Because it makes me forget everything for a little while. Because i dont have to think about how much pain i am in. Or how much i would love to be doing what i am doing with you, with someone who is worth it and deserves it. Plus with you im not breaking the promise i made to myself. Eventually our games will end i look foward to that day. But for now i will smile keep on a strong face. Not letting you know that what i am doing is tearing me apart inside. I will NEVER let you see me cry or let you see me when i am vulnerable. You will never know that i am not strong or not confidant or not happy with what i am doing. I am self harming myself in away that is not scaring my body. I dont need any more scars i have enough already. And scars on my heart always heal. Everytime i see you i am putting up another wall around my heart. Waiting for someone who is not you to tear it down. I want to be in control of this situation but it is spiriling out of control. It is now out of my hands.

~ And to you i realized that i am far better off without you. You would only bring me down. I am meant to do amazing things and i will leave you in my dust. I wish you all the best, eventhough i know that you will never do the best for you. You will constantly do the worst for you. I self destruct everynow and then but you do it everyday.

~ Okay and time for an update im moving out this weekend with my dear friend Brandon. I am scared and excited at the same time. This is not how i thought i would be moving out but that is life things constantly change. Send me prayers and wish me luck. I have several goals for when i move out.
1. Tone up and loose some weight by eating better and excercising for atleast three days a week.
2. Finish my Bible study and do daily quite times with God.
3. Figure out who i am and what i want in life.
thats it for now im sure more will come. I will try to update this everyday or everyother day.

Less than Three