I dont think

~ I dont think you understand how horrible i feel. I am so sorry, and i dont think you would even care to know that i am. That i have cried several times because i hurt you. I don't know what else i can do. I didn't mean to lead you on, I even distanced myself from you to try and help the situation. I didn't want to hurt you and i knoew that no matter what i was going to. And it sucks it sucks to know that you are going to hurt a person you care deeply about. I just dont even know what to do. How i can express how horrible i feel. My heart aches for the pain i have caused. And i doubt that you would even believe and I dont really give a shit if you don't because i know its true. What was i supposed to do? Live in a lie so i didn't hurt or disapoint anyone because i knew ALOT of people wanted to see us together, always would say how "cute" we were. Well I'm fucking sorry that i couldn't live a lie anymore. I'm sorry i distanced myself from you in the hopes that you would get the idea so i didn't have to say anything! I was a fucking coward i admit it! I should have fucking said something long before i met Him. I was scared to, I was scared of your reaction, I was scared on how things would go down, I was scared of hurting you and getting disapointed looks from everyone. I feel so bad, I really do. I was scared of losing a really good friend which will probably end up happining anyway. When he came to get me I was hoping that you would have been gone by then, I was hoping that you would have stayed inside. How was i supposed to know that i would have fallen so hard and so fast?? How the hell was i supposed to know this! Don't ever think that I didn't care or give a damn. Because i do more than you know. Would i feel so bad if I didn't? At first i liked you, at first i wanted to make things work out. But as time went out i couldn't see us together at all and how could I help that? And what made it even harder were people putting pressure on me to see it out to give it a shot when in my heart I knew it wouldn't happen. My biggest fear is to disapoint people. That is why I did nothing and ya I admit it was a bit fucked up. But I don't think I lead you on that much. I NEVER kissed you! NEVER said i wanted you to be mine. And like i mentioned before I FUCKING DISTANCED MYSELF! I HARDLY EVER SAW YOU!!! So here you go, again I'm sorry and i don't think you give a shit.