I'm sorry

- I'm sorry i hurt you
-i'm sorry im not the friend you need me to be
- i'm sorry that i was living a lie with you
- i'm sorry that i may have said some horrible things about you
- i'm sorry i didn't believe you
-i'm sorry i lost your friendship
- i'm sorry that i still think about you
- i'm sorry i still want you
- i'm sorry that i don't want you
-i'm sorry that i think horrible things about you
- i'm sorry that i never gave you a chance
- i'm sorry i gave you another chance
- i'm sorry i lied to you
- i'm sorry i dreamed of being with you forever
- i'm sorry i strayed away
- i'm sorry i'm still straying farther away from you
- i'm sorry i get jealous of you and what you have
-i'm sorry i'm not who you needed me to be
- i'm sorry i'm not who you wanted me to be
- i'm sorry i sometimes hate myself
-i'm sorry i sometimes pick myself apart until there is nothing left that i like
- i'm sorry that i still want to turn to cutting
- i'm sorry that whenever i see a sharp object i think about all the reasons of why i could pull it across my skin
-i'm sorry i'm not her
- i'm sorry that i could never be her
- i'm sorry i never want to be her
- i'm sorry i get selfish
- i'm sorry i can be self centered
- i'm sorry that i don't give a damn about your problems
- i'm sorry i dont always want to hear about why you are so upset, it is always the same
- i'm sorry i want you to take care of your problems on your own
- i'm sorry i pushed you away
- i'm sorry i'm not a stronger person
-i'm sorry i let everything get to me
-i'm sorry that i reject you
- i'm sorry that i want to be alone
- i'm sorry you got hurt
-i'm sorry i let you use me
- i'm sorry i still dream about you
- i'm sorry i want you to come back
- i'm sorry i smiled when i heard you were doing so poorly
- i'm sorry i got a little happier when i learned you were worse off without me
- i'm sorry i thought if you would still be in this position if you had never left me
- i'm sorry you don't have your life together
-i'm sorry i dont trust you
- i'm sorry i have trust issues
- i'm sorry you gave me trust issues
- i'm sorry i will never completely let you in
- i'm sorry i won't let you see all of my weaknesses
-i'm sorry and you will never know why
-i'm not sorry that i hurt you, you needed to grow up
- i'm not always sorry im better off without you here
- i'm not sorry that i won't take you back
- i'm not sorry that i won't ever let you touch me again
- i'm not sorry that i am growing up and i don't want your dramatic life style
-i'm not sorry i gave you a second chance for you to blow. I tried you didn't
-i'm not sorry that i didn't want to meet him that day and i lost your friendship because of that
-i'm not sorry i told you to grow up
- i'm not sorry your not in my life, you only brought me down
- i'm not sorry i know about what you have done
- i'm not sorry i cut you out of my life
- i'm not sorry i gave up on you
- i'm not sorry i continue to fight for what i want
- i'm not sorry that i can be better than you in some aspects
- i'm sorry i lied to you
- i'm not sorry i let you use me a second time...i learned from it
-i'm not sorry i let you in my heart
- i'm not sorry i didn't let you in
- i'm not sorry that i haven't let you in yet
- i'm not sorry that i'm scared to know the truth
- i'm not sorry that i don't want to know the truth
- i'm not sorry i'm human and make mistakes
- i'm not sorry i'm not always who you expect me to be.
- i'm not sorry that you are a prick
- i'm not sorry that you hurt me
- i'm not sorry you almost distroyed me
- i'm not sorry i rose from the ashes of my past with you to become a stronger person
- i'm not sorry that i'm not a shallow bitch like you
- i'm not sorry i wont give up on my beliefs
- i'm not sorry i loved you
- i'm not sorry that i won't give up on myself
- i'm not sorry that i don't quite know who i am
- i'm not sorry that i don't hide my scars
-i'm not sorry that i will let you know that you hurt me
- i'm not sorry that i am allowing myself to be happy
- i'm not sorry for who i am...most of the time

I dont think

~ I dont think you understand how horrible i feel. I am so sorry, and i dont think you would even care to know that i am. That i have cried several times because i hurt you. I don't know what else i can do. I didn't mean to lead you on, I even distanced myself from you to try and help the situation. I didn't want to hurt you and i knoew that no matter what i was going to. And it sucks it sucks to know that you are going to hurt a person you care deeply about. I just dont even know what to do. How i can express how horrible i feel. My heart aches for the pain i have caused. And i doubt that you would even believe and I dont really give a shit if you don't because i know its true. What was i supposed to do? Live in a lie so i didn't hurt or disapoint anyone because i knew ALOT of people wanted to see us together, always would say how "cute" we were. Well I'm fucking sorry that i couldn't live a lie anymore. I'm sorry i distanced myself from you in the hopes that you would get the idea so i didn't have to say anything! I was a fucking coward i admit it! I should have fucking said something long before i met Him. I was scared to, I was scared of your reaction, I was scared on how things would go down, I was scared of hurting you and getting disapointed looks from everyone. I feel so bad, I really do. I was scared of losing a really good friend which will probably end up happining anyway. When he came to get me I was hoping that you would have been gone by then, I was hoping that you would have stayed inside. How was i supposed to know that i would have fallen so hard and so fast?? How the hell was i supposed to know this! Don't ever think that I didn't care or give a damn. Because i do more than you know. Would i feel so bad if I didn't? At first i liked you, at first i wanted to make things work out. But as time went out i couldn't see us together at all and how could I help that? And what made it even harder were people putting pressure on me to see it out to give it a shot when in my heart I knew it wouldn't happen. My biggest fear is to disapoint people. That is why I did nothing and ya I admit it was a bit fucked up. But I don't think I lead you on that much. I NEVER kissed you! NEVER said i wanted you to be mine. And like i mentioned before I FUCKING DISTANCED MYSELF! I HARDLY EVER SAW YOU!!! So here you go, again I'm sorry and i don't think you give a shit.

breakdown

~I am so nervous, scared, and worried. I know it could be nothing and go away. But what if its not nothing? what if if turns into something horrible?? Its so hard to sit and wait for that damn call telling me if i have...pre cancerous cells or not. Who knows how long it will be until i get the call. I thought i was...ugh. I dont want to deal with this I want it to go away. And sometimes it does, the body gets rid of what is causing the irregular cells. I just really hope that this is my case.

~ It's hard when you are happy but when someone you care about is so miserable because of me. I feel like a horrible bitch. I should have said something sooner. I really did want it to happen but no matter how hard i tried i just couldn't make it happen. I am so sorry. I dont know what else to say. I don't know what i can do.

~ I am tired, tired of taking on everyones emotions. This is what i do. I will take on your emotional stress and add it to my own. I dont know why I do this but i do and I break down everynow and then. I can feel my breakdown point coming and i am not happy about it. But this is who i am and what i do.

~ I am worried i will be compared to the others. And I dont want to be.

~ I miss life when it wasn't complicated and when it was easy and not stressful. I wish we could all go back to that point.

I cant sleep

~ Or breathe. I think and it takes my breath away. Only mine? could i have that? I want it but im scared...so scared that they will run away like the others.

~ In and out...just breathe...its hard. help

wanting.wishing.waiting.

~ I am such a girl, waiting all night for a phone call that i doubt will come. I got my hopes a little bit up, a very tiny bit like less than an inch up. But me not trusting in people proved me right again. I mean you never said that you would call i just hoped that you would... it sucks majorly. I just wish that i could find something stable and secure and long lasting. I thought it was ironic that i used your name in a story...maybe my story will come true. I know it will it just depends on when. I'm so sick of sleeping alone.

~ I miss you...i want you back...you dont want me...i dont need you...it would be bad for me...i know this...you were like an adicition i couldn't quit until it was quit for me...I see things and pictures and think that that should be me we should be there...but you left...im still trying to get over it in someways and i dont know why I thought i was over it. I guess in some way i will never COMPLELTY be over it because you were major part of my life.

~ I remember the last time i was single...its so different from now. Then i could go maybe a week without a kiss...this time its been a month. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Is there something i can change? Or am i just learning to grow up and wait for things to happen. Waiting sucks...being patient is lame.

~ When will my true love happen to me? I'm sick of waiting. My heart hurts. And i turn to You my God. I turn to you for help and it does help and i know that everything happens in your time not mine. And when i am ready you will let it happen for me. I just wish that you would send him to me soon. Or not have it be forever.

~It sucks needing to talk to your best friend and have them never answer their phone. It sucks getting made fun of one way or another at work. I have low self esteeem as it is i dont need their crap as well. I think it might be time to move onto something better.

~I'm still getting sick of getting ditched and always making plans. I've tried not to do anything about it i get to lonely just waiting talking to no one. But sometimes I wonder if some of you would ever get ahold of me if I stopped talking to you and i generally lean towards yes. You have people more important than me that you can go to for friendship. I still feel like a second resort to some of you. I just want to give up on so many things but i cant. I'm to stubborn to give up I just have to remember that.

~ I see what you are doing knock it the hell off it will get you no where.

~ I've realized that your not into me considering i hardly see you. You say you miss me than do something about it.

~ Why is it that when something good happens or i think something good could happen it never does? Maybe I am just jumping ahead of myself its only been a little time its had been hardly anything.

~ Apparently i have an attitude sometimes...you would to if you were in my shoes.

~ I'm done.

out of the loop.

Lately i've been feeling out of the loop. On the outside of everything. Kind of like an outsider. I dont feel like i really belong anywhere. Even at Castle my home i feel out of the cirlce. Its like someone has been telling a joke and i constantly walk in on the punch line and no one wants to tell it again. It really sucks.