Some thoughts

~ 2008 was an interesting year. Losing Chris was the hardest thing I had happen in awhile but it was also the best thing that could have happened. I wish him the best I just wish I could get my $200 to pay bills and shit. I also lost some "good" friends last year. Which is fine with me, freaking out because I wouldn't let a straightedge boyfriend to my party where there would be alcohol. Also losing a friend who could backstab you and hurt you so much made life so much easier. Going back to castle and working there was one of the best things that happened. I found a family again and made some amazing friends that I would never want to replace. Moving out was a good thing. Interesting but good. Its hard to learn to live with friends sometimes but its all working out for the best. Meeting almost losing and then getting Chaz is also one of the best things that have happened. He is so amazing, and loving. I love him hands down best boyfriend I have had up to this point hands down no battle. Of coarse there is still drama and stress starting out in 2009 but i'm going to make the best of this year no matter what happens. And I will stick to my goals as best as possible : )

- There are somethings I want to say to certain people. I don't always want to confront people because I hate confrontation and I would rather bury it all deep down and try and forget about it. But there are some things I want to say. Some good some bad. If you want to confront me on anything feel free but please try to do it nicely : )

~ I love you and you are one of my best friends. I am so glad that I met you and that we got the chance to get so close.

~ I feel like you don't always listen to what I am really saying. Or that we always concentrate on you. I want you to get your life together before you go chasing after other things that are going to pull you down. I feel like we are not as close anymore. I feel that you don't really care either. I wish that you would show me that you cared. I wish that we could be like sisters again.

~ I never see you anymore and I don't like it. I miss spending time with and having a connection and bond.

~ I hate that I feel like you traded me in. You can be extremely fake and you have changed and not for the good. You are more judging and cruel. I know certain things you have done. Some I have found out on my own and some others have told me about. The things you have done are not ok! You hurt many people without realizing. But you don't care you live in this world that you have created and its not real. Will you be ready when realitly crashes down?

~ You remind me so much of me a few years ago. I feel for you, but you also frustrate me. You cause so much drama and can't keep a secret. I know of several people who won't tell you anything that they don't want anyone else to know. Learn to keep your mouth shut before it bites you in the ass and you lose everyone around you. Please respect yourself. I have been where you are and you can either let it eat at you and distroy you. Or you can rise above it and realize that respecting yourself will make you happier than any guy using you can. I do care about you in my own way. But sometimes its hard to be around you because it brings back old memories for me.

~ I miss our midnight talks. I miss seeing you more often. I miss sharing secrets, stress, and things we wish would change. I miss listening to music and letting our thoughts wander. I wish we could see eachother more. Its nice to know that when we do get together its like nothing has changed.

~ I feel like we have gotten closer this year. I am not sure what I would do without you as a friend to keep me sane. I hope our friendship lasts a very long time.

~ Grow up! get over it! He doesn't want you like that! stop complaining and bitching about it! YOU got YOURSELF into this situation! I show you no sympathy its your own damn fault! I don't like you, I don't want you near me! I am only civil with you because I don't need anymore bullshit drama in my life! I know your games for pity and attention you will not get any from me! Stop insulting me, and the ones I love and care about to my face, to their face, or even around me! Keep on doing it missy and you will not like what you will have to hear from me! Stop trying to one up everyone and make it seem like you are better! Guess what? YOUR NOT! It makes you seem like you are a stuck up, prissy, bitch! Get your own life get away from ours! Another thing stop using him! He is an amzing guy and does not deserve what you are doing to him! I have not despised a person like you in so long.I honestly would be happy if you moved across the country and dropped out of our lifes forever!

~ I wish I knew how to help you and make you happy.

~ To several of you. I am so glad I met you and earned your friendship. To others I'm glad I got the chance to get to know you better and become good friends with you. There are several of you who are seriously like family to me and I'm not sure what I would do without you.

~ I love you. I love waking up to you. I love falling asleep in your arms. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you make me laugh. I love your caring nature. I love your smile. I love how seeing you can make my whole day better. I love the way you make me feel so beautiful inside and out. You are a calming presence in my life when things get hectic or when I get pissed off. You are there to let me know that it will be ok. I love how I can be myself with you no matter what. Basically it boils down to I love you. I am so lucky that you gave me a second chance. I want to keep you by my side and in my life for as long as I can. Less than Three.

~ I wish you lived closer. I miss seeing you whenever I want to. I hate that we have to plan things so far in adanved.

I know I have things I need to work on on my own. I know what they are I know I have faults. So if anything offeneded anyone I apologize but I an entitled to my own thoughts and opinions. I am excited to make 2009 an amzing unforgetable year.