~ 2008 was an interesting year. Losing Chris was the hardest thing I had happen in awhile but it was also the best thing that could have happened. I wish him the best I just wish I could get my $200 to pay bills and shit. I also lost some "good" friends last year. Which is fine with me, freaking out because I wouldn't let a straightedge boyfriend to my party where there would be alcohol. Also losing a friend who could backstab you and hurt you so much made life so much easier. Going back to castle and working there was one of the best things that happened. I found a family again and made some amazing friends that I would never want to replace. Moving out was a good thing. Interesting but good. Its hard to learn to live with friends sometimes but its all working out for the best. Meeting almost losing and then getting Chaz is also one of the best things that have happened. He is so amazing, and loving. I love him hands down best boyfriend I have had up to this point hands down no battle. Of coarse there is still drama and stress starting out in 2009 but i'm going to make the best of this year no matter what happens. And I will stick to my goals as best as possible : )
- There are somethings I want to say to certain people. I don't always want to confront people because I hate confrontation and I would rather bury it all deep down and try and forget about it. But there are some things I want to say. Some good some bad. If you want to confront me on anything feel free but please try to do it nicely : )
~ I love you and you are one of my best friends. I am so glad that I met you and that we got the chance to get so close.
~ I feel like you don't always listen to what I am really saying. Or that we always concentrate on you. I want you to get your life together before you go chasing after other things that are going to pull you down. I feel like we are not as close anymore. I feel that you don't really care either. I wish that you would show me that you cared. I wish that we could be like sisters again.
~ I never see you anymore and I don't like it. I miss spending time with and having a connection and bond.
~ I hate that I feel like you traded me in. You can be extremely fake and you have changed and not for the good. You are more judging and cruel. I know certain things you have done. Some I have found out on my own and some others have told me about. The things you have done are not ok! You hurt many people without realizing. But you don't care you live in this world that you have created and its not real. Will you be ready when realitly crashes down?
~ You remind me so much of me a few years ago. I feel for you, but you also frustrate me. You cause so much drama and can't keep a secret. I know of several people who won't tell you anything that they don't want anyone else to know. Learn to keep your mouth shut before it bites you in the ass and you lose everyone around you. Please respect yourself. I have been where you are and you can either let it eat at you and distroy you. Or you can rise above it and realize that respecting yourself will make you happier than any guy using you can. I do care about you in my own way. But sometimes its hard to be around you because it brings back old memories for me.
~ I miss our midnight talks. I miss seeing you more often. I miss sharing secrets, stress, and things we wish would change. I miss listening to music and letting our thoughts wander. I wish we could see eachother more. Its nice to know that when we do get together its like nothing has changed.
~ I feel like we have gotten closer this year. I am not sure what I would do without you as a friend to keep me sane. I hope our friendship lasts a very long time.
~ Grow up! get over it! He doesn't want you like that! stop complaining and bitching about it! YOU got YOURSELF into this situation! I show you no sympathy its your own damn fault! I don't like you, I don't want you near me! I am only civil with you because I don't need anymore bullshit drama in my life! I know your games for pity and attention you will not get any from me! Stop insulting me, and the ones I love and care about to my face, to their face, or even around me! Keep on doing it missy and you will not like what you will have to hear from me! Stop trying to one up everyone and make it seem like you are better! Guess what? YOUR NOT! It makes you seem like you are a stuck up, prissy, bitch! Get your own life get away from ours! Another thing stop using him! He is an amzing guy and does not deserve what you are doing to him! I have not despised a person like you in so long.I honestly would be happy if you moved across the country and dropped out of our lifes forever!
~ I wish I knew how to help you and make you happy.
~ To several of you. I am so glad I met you and earned your friendship. To others I'm glad I got the chance to get to know you better and become good friends with you. There are several of you who are seriously like family to me and I'm not sure what I would do without you.
~ I love you. I love waking up to you. I love falling asleep in your arms. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you make me laugh. I love your caring nature. I love your smile. I love how seeing you can make my whole day better. I love the way you make me feel so beautiful inside and out. You are a calming presence in my life when things get hectic or when I get pissed off. You are there to let me know that it will be ok. I love how I can be myself with you no matter what. Basically it boils down to I love you. I am so lucky that you gave me a second chance. I want to keep you by my side and in my life for as long as I can. Less than Three.
~ I wish you lived closer. I miss seeing you whenever I want to. I hate that we have to plan things so far in adanved.
I know I have things I need to work on on my own. I know what they are I know I have faults. So if anything offeneded anyone I apologize but I an entitled to my own thoughts and opinions. I am excited to make 2009 an amzing unforgetable year.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Patron Saints are we all lost like you?
Sigh..... Its hard when you repress memories to forget them so that you don't have to feel anything and then they come back to you. Like our last night together holding eachother so closely not wanting to loose eachother but knowing that the end has come. I don't want to remember that night I want to forget it. I want to repress it. I want to never think about it ever again. I don't want that night in my memory. I don't want our last week together in my memory. The hurt and anger and worry and praying that this wasn't the end praying that this was a dream that it would all go away and that it never happened. That we would have our happily ever afer that all of our fights would end and that your drinking would end. Sometimes I wish that that would still have happened that I would be living with you and that we would be happy forever and ever. I just wish I could go back to what I had. Its to hard to face the future alone. I have friends who I love dearly but I miss our companionship. Somedays its still hard to go to sleep and I still dream about you everynow and then. I think deep down I know that we would have never worked out but It was a nice dream that ended to quickly in my opinion. And the worst thing is that I never saw it coming. I wish I could talk to you and yell at you and tell you how much you hurt me. Everynow and then I wish that you would call me and apologize and ask for me to come back to you. But I know that won't happen. I am also mad that you slept with a whore and "fell in love" with her so soon after what we had ended. Did I ever mean anything to you at all? I know I did but it still makes me question it.
Life is so stressful lately. No job, and little money. I have an interview tommorrow and I am praying that I get the job. I really need it. I need alot of things. Alot I know I will have to wait for. I just hope this isn't something that I will have to wait for. I just need a break. I need a week, a day to not stress to not worry and to just be.
I wish that some people saw me more than just a piece of ass. I have gotten to many texts lately from people wanting a booty call. Its like I have feelings and emotions. I think sometimes I may do it just to stop the pain for just a little while. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. Be rejected, be made into an object, be overlooked, be forgotten. I have had several friends lately forget me just because someone "better" came along.
I have been listening to Anberlin alot. I reheard Fin today and it seems fitting for me and my life lately.
Feels like I'm miles from here in other towns
With lesser names where lonely ghost doesn't tell
Merry old William exactly what they want to hear
You remember the house that we drew
Told you and the devil to both just leave me alone
If this is salvation I can show you the trembling
You'll just have to trust meI'm scared
I am the patron saint of lost causes
Aren't we all to you just near lost causes
Are we all to you just lost?
Tell me you're left behind
Something you'll mean everything right before you die
But if you gain the world
You've already lost four little souls from your life
Widows and orphans are hard to find
Their home is in daddy who's saving you random tonight
Where's your drink? And would hurry and kill you
Sympathy's better than having to tell you the truth
That you are the patron saint of lost causes
All you are to them is now a lost cause
All you are to them is now causes
Billy, don't you understand?
Timothy stood as long as he could
You made his faith disappear
More like a magician
And less like a man of the cloth
We're not questioning God
Just those he chose to carry on his cause
We'll grow better, you'll see
Just all of us, the lost causesAren't we all to you just lost causes?
Aren't we all to you lost?Lost causes
Aren't we all to you
Is all we are, is all we are
What we are is all we are
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you? (Lost causes, all we are is all we are)
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you? (To you, lost...
)Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
He just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you(Lost causes, we are is all we are)
They just saved all of the lost, like you(To you, lost causes)
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
He just saved
Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire and nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me Guard my dreams, figure this out, It's me on my own.
Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am is God.
Take this and all,Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
This is my hell.
Its an amazing song. I recommend checking it out.
Thats it for me I think. Hopefully my feeling of feeling like a lost cause will end soon.
Life is so stressful lately. No job, and little money. I have an interview tommorrow and I am praying that I get the job. I really need it. I need alot of things. Alot I know I will have to wait for. I just hope this isn't something that I will have to wait for. I just need a break. I need a week, a day to not stress to not worry and to just be.
I wish that some people saw me more than just a piece of ass. I have gotten to many texts lately from people wanting a booty call. Its like I have feelings and emotions. I think sometimes I may do it just to stop the pain for just a little while. I just don't know how much longer I can do this. Be rejected, be made into an object, be overlooked, be forgotten. I have had several friends lately forget me just because someone "better" came along.
I have been listening to Anberlin alot. I reheard Fin today and it seems fitting for me and my life lately.
Feels like I'm miles from here in other towns
With lesser names where lonely ghost doesn't tell
Merry old William exactly what they want to hear
You remember the house that we drew
Told you and the devil to both just leave me alone
If this is salvation I can show you the trembling
You'll just have to trust meI'm scared
I am the patron saint of lost causes
Aren't we all to you just near lost causes
Are we all to you just lost?
Tell me you're left behind
Something you'll mean everything right before you die
But if you gain the world
You've already lost four little souls from your life
Widows and orphans are hard to find
Their home is in daddy who's saving you random tonight
Where's your drink? And would hurry and kill you
Sympathy's better than having to tell you the truth
That you are the patron saint of lost causes
All you are to them is now a lost cause
All you are to them is now causes
Billy, don't you understand?
Timothy stood as long as he could
You made his faith disappear
More like a magician
And less like a man of the cloth
We're not questioning God
Just those he chose to carry on his cause
We'll grow better, you'll see
Just all of us, the lost causesAren't we all to you just lost causes?
Aren't we all to you lost?Lost causes
Aren't we all to you
Is all we are, is all we are
What we are is all we are
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you? (Lost causes, all we are is all we are)
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you? (To you, lost...
)Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
Patron Saint, are we all lost like you?
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
He just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you(Lost causes, we are is all we are)
They just saved all of the lost, like you(To you, lost causes)
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
They just saved all of the lost, like you
He just saved
Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire and nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me Guard my dreams, figure this out, It's me on my own.
Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am is God.
Take this and all,Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
This is my hell.
Its an amazing song. I recommend checking it out.
Thats it for me I think. Hopefully my feeling of feeling like a lost cause will end soon.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I'm sorry
- I'm sorry i hurt you
-i'm sorry im not the friend you need me to be
- i'm sorry that i was living a lie with you
- i'm sorry that i may have said some horrible things about you
- i'm sorry i didn't believe you
-i'm sorry i lost your friendship
- i'm sorry that i still think about you
- i'm sorry i still want you
- i'm sorry that i don't want you
-i'm sorry that i think horrible things about you
- i'm sorry that i never gave you a chance
- i'm sorry i gave you another chance
- i'm sorry i lied to you
- i'm sorry i dreamed of being with you forever
- i'm sorry i strayed away
- i'm sorry i'm still straying farther away from you
- i'm sorry i get jealous of you and what you have
-i'm sorry i'm not who you needed me to be
- i'm sorry i'm not who you wanted me to be
- i'm sorry i sometimes hate myself
-i'm sorry i sometimes pick myself apart until there is nothing left that i like
- i'm sorry that i still want to turn to cutting
- i'm sorry that whenever i see a sharp object i think about all the reasons of why i could pull it across my skin
-i'm sorry i'm not her
- i'm sorry that i could never be her
- i'm sorry i never want to be her
- i'm sorry i get selfish
- i'm sorry i can be self centered
- i'm sorry that i don't give a damn about your problems
- i'm sorry i dont always want to hear about why you are so upset, it is always the same
- i'm sorry i want you to take care of your problems on your own
- i'm sorry i pushed you away
- i'm sorry i'm not a stronger person
-i'm sorry i let everything get to me
-i'm sorry that i reject you
- i'm sorry that i want to be alone
- i'm sorry you got hurt
-i'm sorry i let you use me
- i'm sorry i still dream about you
- i'm sorry i want you to come back
- i'm sorry i smiled when i heard you were doing so poorly
- i'm sorry i got a little happier when i learned you were worse off without me
- i'm sorry i thought if you would still be in this position if you had never left me
- i'm sorry you don't have your life together
-i'm sorry i dont trust you
- i'm sorry i have trust issues
- i'm sorry you gave me trust issues
- i'm sorry i will never completely let you in
- i'm sorry i won't let you see all of my weaknesses
-i'm sorry and you will never know why
-i'm not sorry that i hurt you, you needed to grow up
- i'm not always sorry im better off without you here
- i'm not sorry that i won't take you back
- i'm not sorry that i won't ever let you touch me again
- i'm not sorry that i am growing up and i don't want your dramatic life style
-i'm not sorry i gave you a second chance for you to blow. I tried you didn't
-i'm not sorry that i didn't want to meet him that day and i lost your friendship because of that
-i'm not sorry i told you to grow up
- i'm not sorry your not in my life, you only brought me down
- i'm not sorry i know about what you have done
- i'm not sorry i cut you out of my life
- i'm not sorry i gave up on you
- i'm not sorry i continue to fight for what i want
- i'm not sorry that i can be better than you in some aspects
- i'm sorry i lied to you
- i'm not sorry i let you use me a second time...i learned from it
-i'm not sorry i let you in my heart
- i'm not sorry i didn't let you in
- i'm not sorry that i haven't let you in yet
- i'm not sorry that i'm scared to know the truth
- i'm not sorry that i don't want to know the truth
- i'm not sorry i'm human and make mistakes
- i'm not sorry i'm not always who you expect me to be.
- i'm not sorry that you are a prick
- i'm not sorry that you hurt me
- i'm not sorry you almost distroyed me
- i'm not sorry i rose from the ashes of my past with you to become a stronger person
- i'm not sorry that i'm not a shallow bitch like you
- i'm not sorry i wont give up on my beliefs
- i'm not sorry i loved you
- i'm not sorry that i won't give up on myself
- i'm not sorry that i don't quite know who i am
- i'm not sorry that i don't hide my scars
-i'm not sorry that i will let you know that you hurt me
- i'm not sorry that i am allowing myself to be happy
- i'm not sorry for who i am...most of the time
-i'm sorry im not the friend you need me to be
- i'm sorry that i was living a lie with you
- i'm sorry that i may have said some horrible things about you
- i'm sorry i didn't believe you
-i'm sorry i lost your friendship
- i'm sorry that i still think about you
- i'm sorry i still want you
- i'm sorry that i don't want you
-i'm sorry that i think horrible things about you
- i'm sorry that i never gave you a chance
- i'm sorry i gave you another chance
- i'm sorry i lied to you
- i'm sorry i dreamed of being with you forever
- i'm sorry i strayed away
- i'm sorry i'm still straying farther away from you
- i'm sorry i get jealous of you and what you have
-i'm sorry i'm not who you needed me to be
- i'm sorry i'm not who you wanted me to be
- i'm sorry i sometimes hate myself
-i'm sorry i sometimes pick myself apart until there is nothing left that i like
- i'm sorry that i still want to turn to cutting
- i'm sorry that whenever i see a sharp object i think about all the reasons of why i could pull it across my skin
-i'm sorry i'm not her
- i'm sorry that i could never be her
- i'm sorry i never want to be her
- i'm sorry i get selfish
- i'm sorry i can be self centered
- i'm sorry that i don't give a damn about your problems
- i'm sorry i dont always want to hear about why you are so upset, it is always the same
- i'm sorry i want you to take care of your problems on your own
- i'm sorry i pushed you away
- i'm sorry i'm not a stronger person
-i'm sorry i let everything get to me
-i'm sorry that i reject you
- i'm sorry that i want to be alone
- i'm sorry you got hurt
-i'm sorry i let you use me
- i'm sorry i still dream about you
- i'm sorry i want you to come back
- i'm sorry i smiled when i heard you were doing so poorly
- i'm sorry i got a little happier when i learned you were worse off without me
- i'm sorry i thought if you would still be in this position if you had never left me
- i'm sorry you don't have your life together
-i'm sorry i dont trust you
- i'm sorry i have trust issues
- i'm sorry you gave me trust issues
- i'm sorry i will never completely let you in
- i'm sorry i won't let you see all of my weaknesses
-i'm sorry and you will never know why
-i'm not sorry that i hurt you, you needed to grow up
- i'm not always sorry im better off without you here
- i'm not sorry that i won't take you back
- i'm not sorry that i won't ever let you touch me again
- i'm not sorry that i am growing up and i don't want your dramatic life style
-i'm not sorry i gave you a second chance for you to blow. I tried you didn't
-i'm not sorry that i didn't want to meet him that day and i lost your friendship because of that
-i'm not sorry i told you to grow up
- i'm not sorry your not in my life, you only brought me down
- i'm not sorry i know about what you have done
- i'm not sorry i cut you out of my life
- i'm not sorry i gave up on you
- i'm not sorry i continue to fight for what i want
- i'm not sorry that i can be better than you in some aspects
- i'm sorry i lied to you
- i'm not sorry i let you use me a second time...i learned from it
-i'm not sorry i let you in my heart
- i'm not sorry i didn't let you in
- i'm not sorry that i haven't let you in yet
- i'm not sorry that i'm scared to know the truth
- i'm not sorry that i don't want to know the truth
- i'm not sorry i'm human and make mistakes
- i'm not sorry i'm not always who you expect me to be.
- i'm not sorry that you are a prick
- i'm not sorry that you hurt me
- i'm not sorry you almost distroyed me
- i'm not sorry i rose from the ashes of my past with you to become a stronger person
- i'm not sorry that i'm not a shallow bitch like you
- i'm not sorry i wont give up on my beliefs
- i'm not sorry i loved you
- i'm not sorry that i won't give up on myself
- i'm not sorry that i don't quite know who i am
- i'm not sorry that i don't hide my scars
-i'm not sorry that i will let you know that you hurt me
- i'm not sorry that i am allowing myself to be happy
- i'm not sorry for who i am...most of the time
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I dont think
~ I dont think you understand how horrible i feel. I am so sorry, and i dont think you would even care to know that i am. That i have cried several times because i hurt you. I don't know what else i can do. I didn't mean to lead you on, I even distanced myself from you to try and help the situation. I didn't want to hurt you and i knoew that no matter what i was going to. And it sucks it sucks to know that you are going to hurt a person you care deeply about. I just dont even know what to do. How i can express how horrible i feel. My heart aches for the pain i have caused. And i doubt that you would even believe and I dont really give a shit if you don't because i know its true. What was i supposed to do? Live in a lie so i didn't hurt or disapoint anyone because i knew ALOT of people wanted to see us together, always would say how "cute" we were. Well I'm fucking sorry that i couldn't live a lie anymore. I'm sorry i distanced myself from you in the hopes that you would get the idea so i didn't have to say anything! I was a fucking coward i admit it! I should have fucking said something long before i met Him. I was scared to, I was scared of your reaction, I was scared on how things would go down, I was scared of hurting you and getting disapointed looks from everyone. I feel so bad, I really do. I was scared of losing a really good friend which will probably end up happining anyway. When he came to get me I was hoping that you would have been gone by then, I was hoping that you would have stayed inside. How was i supposed to know that i would have fallen so hard and so fast?? How the hell was i supposed to know this! Don't ever think that I didn't care or give a damn. Because i do more than you know. Would i feel so bad if I didn't? At first i liked you, at first i wanted to make things work out. But as time went out i couldn't see us together at all and how could I help that? And what made it even harder were people putting pressure on me to see it out to give it a shot when in my heart I knew it wouldn't happen. My biggest fear is to disapoint people. That is why I did nothing and ya I admit it was a bit fucked up. But I don't think I lead you on that much. I NEVER kissed you! NEVER said i wanted you to be mine. And like i mentioned before I FUCKING DISTANCED MYSELF! I HARDLY EVER SAW YOU!!! So here you go, again I'm sorry and i don't think you give a shit.
Friday, August 15, 2008
breakdown
~I am so nervous, scared, and worried. I know it could be nothing and go away. But what if its not nothing? what if if turns into something horrible?? Its so hard to sit and wait for that damn call telling me if i have...pre cancerous cells or not. Who knows how long it will be until i get the call. I thought i was...ugh. I dont want to deal with this I want it to go away. And sometimes it does, the body gets rid of what is causing the irregular cells. I just really hope that this is my case.
~ It's hard when you are happy but when someone you care about is so miserable because of me. I feel like a horrible bitch. I should have said something sooner. I really did want it to happen but no matter how hard i tried i just couldn't make it happen. I am so sorry. I dont know what else to say. I don't know what i can do.
~ I am tired, tired of taking on everyones emotions. This is what i do. I will take on your emotional stress and add it to my own. I dont know why I do this but i do and I break down everynow and then. I can feel my breakdown point coming and i am not happy about it. But this is who i am and what i do.
~ I am worried i will be compared to the others. And I dont want to be.
~ I miss life when it wasn't complicated and when it was easy and not stressful. I wish we could all go back to that point.
~ It's hard when you are happy but when someone you care about is so miserable because of me. I feel like a horrible bitch. I should have said something sooner. I really did want it to happen but no matter how hard i tried i just couldn't make it happen. I am so sorry. I dont know what else to say. I don't know what i can do.
~ I am tired, tired of taking on everyones emotions. This is what i do. I will take on your emotional stress and add it to my own. I dont know why I do this but i do and I break down everynow and then. I can feel my breakdown point coming and i am not happy about it. But this is who i am and what i do.
~ I am worried i will be compared to the others. And I dont want to be.
~ I miss life when it wasn't complicated and when it was easy and not stressful. I wish we could all go back to that point.
Monday, August 11, 2008
I cant sleep
~ Or breathe. I think and it takes my breath away. Only mine? could i have that? I want it but im scared...so scared that they will run away like the others.
~ In and out...just breathe...its hard. help
~ In and out...just breathe...its hard. help
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
wanting.wishing.waiting.
~ I am such a girl, waiting all night for a phone call that i doubt will come. I got my hopes a little bit up, a very tiny bit like less than an inch up. But me not trusting in people proved me right again. I mean you never said that you would call i just hoped that you would... it sucks majorly. I just wish that i could find something stable and secure and long lasting. I thought it was ironic that i used your name in a story...maybe my story will come true. I know it will it just depends on when. I'm so sick of sleeping alone.
~ I miss you...i want you back...you dont want me...i dont need you...it would be bad for me...i know this...you were like an adicition i couldn't quit until it was quit for me...I see things and pictures and think that that should be me we should be there...but you left...im still trying to get over it in someways and i dont know why I thought i was over it. I guess in some way i will never COMPLELTY be over it because you were major part of my life.
~ I remember the last time i was single...its so different from now. Then i could go maybe a week without a kiss...this time its been a month. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Is there something i can change? Or am i just learning to grow up and wait for things to happen. Waiting sucks...being patient is lame.
~ When will my true love happen to me? I'm sick of waiting. My heart hurts. And i turn to You my God. I turn to you for help and it does help and i know that everything happens in your time not mine. And when i am ready you will let it happen for me. I just wish that you would send him to me soon. Or not have it be forever.
~It sucks needing to talk to your best friend and have them never answer their phone. It sucks getting made fun of one way or another at work. I have low self esteeem as it is i dont need their crap as well. I think it might be time to move onto something better.
~I'm still getting sick of getting ditched and always making plans. I've tried not to do anything about it i get to lonely just waiting talking to no one. But sometimes I wonder if some of you would ever get ahold of me if I stopped talking to you and i generally lean towards yes. You have people more important than me that you can go to for friendship. I still feel like a second resort to some of you. I just want to give up on so many things but i cant. I'm to stubborn to give up I just have to remember that.
~ I see what you are doing knock it the hell off it will get you no where.
~ I've realized that your not into me considering i hardly see you. You say you miss me than do something about it.
~ Why is it that when something good happens or i think something good could happen it never does? Maybe I am just jumping ahead of myself its only been a little time its had been hardly anything.
~ Apparently i have an attitude sometimes...you would to if you were in my shoes.
~ I'm done.
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